single white female.

I've got a question.

And I need some answers.

If one woman shares a bathroom with two men, and those two men together wipe only half as much as one woman, does that automatically require the one woman to purchase any and all toilet paper for said shared bathroom?

I've been using Kleenex for the past three days.

I am boy-cotting. More like waiting it out. To see how long these two boys, excuse me men, will go without wiping their asses.

Like I said, it's been three days, and I sit here tittering in my room. Do they hop in the shower? Are they using Kleenex too? Paper towels? Or are they just drive-by dropping the kids off at the pool?

Nasties.

See how I find my amusement these days.

In other news, I ran from some zombies this past weekend. Yes, it's true. I did a 5k mud run called Run For Your Lives in Temecula. I was given a flag belt, a bib, and a corral with three divisions entitled Appetizers, Entrees, and Desserts. Of course I chose to be the main course. Little did I know that the entire first mile of the course would be a mountain. Piss poor planning. We were all walking. This is the worst zombie run ever! And then we hit the downhill, and the infestation.

I screamed a lot. Lost a few flags. Found a flag. Laughed at the absurdity. Crawled in some mud. Suffered a few electric shocks. Flailed down a slide into a pool of sloppy germ water. Huddled in a ball in a giant black room face to face with a zombie saying "I don't like this" until he chose someone else to pick on. And laughed a lot.

If you ever get the chance to pay $80 to get chased by zombies, just do it. Seriously. I know that's a disgusting amount of money, but unless you're looking to get into it with someone on bath salts, I suggest you opt for this route to feed the zombie fix.

In still other news,

I bought an ipad. And I'm obsessed with it. I take it to bed with me every night. TED talks and Temple Run are my lullabies. I guess that's why I haven't been sleeping well these nights.

Something is wrong with me.

Not only do I suffer from tiny bladder syndrome and have to pee about 17 times before I fall asleep. (Maybe I should be purchasing all the toilet paper). I have toss and turn, brain whirring syndrome. I'm not ok with it. I wish there was a switch to turn off all thought. Seriously.

In the past 72 hours I also...

1. Registered to vote. About 2.7 hours before the deadline.
2. Got my car broken into. Don't worry, they were fooled by my decoy empty purse on the back seat. I, however, was fooled into paying $115 for a new window. Who's the bigger ass? You be the judge.
3. Witnessed a full grown human littering out their car window. Who really does that anymore? This is one of my "bumper car" situations (one of those times where I wish we all drove bumper cars so we could ram people whenever we disagree with their actions...most often when they don't use their blinkers, but also when they act like massive tools and litter).
4. Decided to be Clifford the Big Red Dog for the book character costume parade at my elementary school on Halloween.
5. Clarified that the tacos at Jack in the Box are not, in fact, made with soy. (I asked. At the drive thru window. Luckily the nice young girl taking my order was vegetarian as well. The interaction was comical to say the least).
6. Impulsively and quite drunkenly cut all ties with my ex-boyfriend.
7. Played telephone pictionary with my closest friends and family in which a porcupine eating pickles on a pogo stick turned into hairy areolas. Welcome to my inappropriate family.
8. Taught a chaotic lesson about cooperation to 24 first graders that I thoroughly enjoyed. Controlled chaos is the best sort of learning environment. I thrive on it.
9. Played basketball for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Yes, I missed a lay-up shot three times in a row, but later I did get fouled into an and-one situation. Ok, so the and-one didn't make it on the board but still, making a basket while getting fouled is quite an accomplishment. Thinking about signing up as a free agent here in SB. Possible man candy on the horizon.


So there you have it. My online dating profile in a nutshell.

A single and mingling Big Red Dog with bumper car tiny bladder syndrome. Often misses baskets, draws alliterative pogo stick pictures, while running from zombies, and avoiding meat. And yes, she's registered to vote. Appreciate her approach at growing up and being a valid contribution to society.

The end.