ask yourself.

I've gone veg.

Yes, it's true.

I gave up meaty products precisely two weeks ago.
Fiber overload.
I've never pooped so much in my whole life. TMI?

Too bad.

I ran a marathon three days ago.
My legs are like pipe cleaners, rigid yet bendy. Manipulated by the muscles inside that are taut and angry. But wiggly and wobbly, wiry in their obstinance.

I just made up a word.
Did you catch it?

Apparently obstinance is not a real word but my mind was convinced that it was. Therefore it is.

I shovel fruity goo and clif bars into my face over the course of 26.2.
Miles of moist skin rubbing. Beware of chaffage. I ban thee with Body Glide (just glamorized Vaseline).
Water and sweat drip down my back as the sun strikes my eyes into submission. Gaze fixed on the pavement my feet strike 8 million times.
A 10 yr old boy and a barefoot man beat me.

I cut in front of an hour's worth of people to pound pasta at Olive Garden the night before. My conscience chewed on those carbs for 12 minutes before it gave up and fell into compliance beneath the bottomless bowl that only costed $9.95.
Sorry people with your blankets waiting outside patiently for your buzzer to go off.
My friends called it karma.
I still call it cutting.

We landed in Vegas after the race. Teased hair and heels leashed us up and led us out onto the strip. I sat down in line at a club and was asked by the nicely dressed line-man to stand up. I only did what he asked because he gave us 72 drink tickets and a front row seat to the freak show.

I turned around to find this sweeping the dust at my feet...

Umm...yeah. I think Lady GaGa must have been sitting behind the plate glass windows snickering at us common folk as we spilled our drinks in shock.

This photo was taken just before the sitting down in line incident. Heels and extensive walking after having just run a marathon are comparable to hordes of tiny leprechauns stabbing you repeatedly with thumb tacks.

This is not an exaggeration.

Be impressed that I can still smile.

I've run 11 marathons in 9 different states. Only 41 left to go bitchezzzz.

The z's make it less offensive. I promise.

Today I administered a phonological awareness survey to a first grader. When he got one wrong he said "damn it." I didn't know how to respond.

Not only are they cursing, they're kissing. Over the past two weeks I've gotten repeated tattles regarding the k word. Boys kissing girls. Girls kissing boys. Boys kissing boys. And girls kissing girls. There's no discrimination in first grade.

I sent a giant unicorn to Washington today. I hope he makes it there safely.

I think I ate about 4 pounds of vegetables today. I've never felt better.

Read Skinny Bitch. It will change your life.
Then read Slaughterhouse.
I dare you to get informed.
Enlightened.

When you look up from the mind-blowing facts about the food you're shoving into your body, there I'll be with a broom and dustpan, a creepy mask, and robotic demeanor, slowly tilting my head back and forth.

Do you really love meat that much?