Full Blown Shitty Pity Fest.

I got fired inadvertently through a Craigslist ad yesterday.

I've been tutoring a 10 year old in reading comprehension and writing for the past month. Four hours a week at 18 bucks an hour. It was good. Until it ended very abruptly.

I'd arrive early for every session. But one time I was late due to my other job. There was an unexpected orthodontist appointment that I couldn't get out of chauffeuring.

Andrew (the 10 year old) threw a fit when I arrived due to timing issues and him wanting to go out and play.

A little background on Andrew...He's 10 years old and is basically getting two educations simultaneously. He goes to public school, while his mom home-schools him. And he plays the piano avidly. The poor little guy has no time to be a kid. So I can understand why he threw a fit the other day.

I thought everything was going fine aside from the minor breakdown. The mother had even recommended me to a friend and asked if I'd like to spend 45 minutes every Saturday teaching 5 pre-schoolers the fundamentals of counting and phonics and the like. I told her I'd give her an answer this week. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I would never get the opportunity to answer.

I was browsing Craigslist the other night, as I do every day countless times a day. And I happen upon an ad, that's nearly identical to the ad I responded to regarding tutoring Andrew. Same schedule. Same pay rate. Same situation entirely.

I replied with a simple question. I just asked if this ad was for the ______ family. I'll leave their name anonymous so I don't leave the opportunity open for one of my devoted fans to stalk them and punish them for this rather blunt blow to my ego.

They replied a day later, telling me that they had decided to "go another direction" and that they would no longer be needing my services as a tutor. Their main reason was that they needed a tutor earlier in the day...only half hour earlier than my schedule would allow. Poppycock.

Apparently I'm not a good tutor.

Which makes me think to myself...if I'm a failure as a tutor, how in the world am I going to be a successful teacher.

At first I tried to brush the dismissal off, telling myself I didn't enjoy tutoring the kid anyway...that it was a relief to get fired. The bruises disguised themselves as denial.

I've spent a lot of today crying. Stressed about finances. Coping with a direct hit to the ego. And to top it off, I got in a fight with Anthony due to my own unhappiness with myself. Oh life.

Sometimes I think I should be on medication. I'm depressed, or bipolar, or something. I have traumatic mood swings. And these aren't just typical girlie pms'ey trysts on the swingset. These are full blown ugly face cry fests. And they're triggered by the stupidest bullshit. This morning it was dishes in the sink. The other day it was a joke about my bad breath.

I'm ultra hyper sensitive and it's exhausting.

Sometimes I wish I could rub some type of cream all over my body that would metaphorically thicken my skin to a degree that would allow me to slough off layers with every "joke". And then those layers would just grow right back.

Alright enough of that bullshit.

My CSET Cliff Notes book came in the mail yesterday. I bought it used on Amazon. There was no specification of what year it was from, but I suppose it slipped my mind that that should be something I should concern myself with. The book was only 3 bucks. So I bought it and waited anxiously for its arrival considering I took a practice test a few days prior and only got half right. Not so hot.

It arrived yesterday. It's from 2003. Epic. The pages are yellowed and ancient. Awesome. The structure of the test hasn't changed apparently though. So that's cool.

I'm starving myself and running a lot in a drastic attempt to lose weight. My current physical state is the root of my unhappiness. I know I know, I'm supposed to love my body no matter what. But right now, I don't.  And I'm over the 20 pounds I gained in the last three months. So it's time for them to go away now. Getting a boyfriend is bad news for being thin. A sudden influx in calorie consumption coupled with an exponential decline in physical activity equals stretch marks and bras that don't fit. Most of our free time, actually let me re-phrase that, ALL of our free time together involves sitting on the couch watching our high def television while eating jalapeno flavored pretzels or some other high carb product.
It's gross. And I'm done.

I hate television. It's the devil. I was fine without it. I can be fine without it again. Or at least in small quantities. Here's me looking on the bright side...due to my recent termination I have four extra hours to exercise. Yesss (insert fist clenched quick elbow pull to the side with simultaneous knee lift).

Ok. I'm done throwing my pity party. I love you guys. Thanks for reading. Sorry for the sob fest.