elasticity.

It's no surprise that I've been drinking my life away the past six months. That, and allowing my dignity and self-worth to get stomped into the ground by managerial staff that lead dictatorially rather than diplomatically.

The times they are a changin' folks.

I put in my two weeks at Sandbar.

No more incessant and annoying text messages harassing you about coming out.

I am no longer a club promoter. And I will no longer be a bartender come Monday June 13th.

Come Sunday June 5th, I will be an American Red Cross certified lifeguard employed by UCSB at the Alumni Association's Family Vacation Center. Sheesh that was a mouthful.

Not only do I get to participate in all staff choreographed dances, I get paid to play softball, go on bike rides, lead vacationer hikes, and facilitate alcohol induced adult karaoke. Oh, and supervise and ensure water safety. Lifeguard is my official title, but I'll be wearing a plethora of hats this summer. Hats that fit my head far better than that of night club promoter and bartender.

I've neglected myself the past six months. I've neglected all the things that make me happy, and bring joy to my life. I can't place blame on anyone but myself, of course, although I'd like to point all ten of my fingers at different culprits that aided in my demise. A series of unfortunate and misguided decisions have led me down a path to self destruction. Totally and completely.

I used to be a dreamer. And now I've developed a cloak I like to don, a suffocating blanket of fear and anxiety. In remaining determined to live in the present, I've cast aside the buoyant energy and spirit I used to invest in dreams and imagination. Cannot one exist without the other?

Not only have I neglected myself, I've neglected my friends. I spend an uncanny amount of time alone. I've always been an introvert but the past six months have been extreme. Sandbar owned me. I can't blame it all on Sandbar though. There were a series of men involved and a severe lack of Christ and community. All of the above drained my soul. Stole all my energy. And left me in a heap on my bedroom floor.

But alas, I can see the light. It's time to pick myself up, twirl in circles, and shake the dust. This summer's gonna be good. Fun. Happy. Full of laughter and ridiculous antics. Hopefully the preventative skills I'm learning in lifeguard class will keep the water related emergencies to a minimum, so I can perfect my tank top tan without having to stress out too much.

And as far as after summer...only God knows...I've been perusing cruise line jobs and how to obtain work visas in other countries, i.e. Australia and New Zealand.

My hammock just came in the mail a couple days ago. I've yet to sling it, but I know it's going to be the source of much needed relaxation, meditation, and time with the Lord.

I also just watched the movie Big Fish. I don't want to ruin the movie but it honestly ignited my imagination and inspired me to write more, tell more stories. It's ridiculous how much I've died, and lost sight of myself in the past six months. I'm pointing and laughing in my own face. Silly girl.

Once I get over this fear and anxiety, I'm gonna start investing my time in floetry. Slam poetry. I think I could really get into it. This stuff sets me on fire. Watch these videos and tell me you're not inspired.