pigs and cows.

What is it with Americans and their infatuation with bacon?

I went to Denny's last night. Forgive my poor restaurant choice. It's a tradition amongst my friends from home.

We mob at least 8 deep when I come home to Riverside and we frequent the back corner booth near the window. We're typically loud and eat a lot of fried food, and we're always there after midnight, but we're not drunk, which I think is why they allow us to keep coming back. Although I did get caught walking out on my bill once, and they never put up a 'don't serve this customer' poster. I consider myself very fortunate.

Last night our party arrived in chunks. As each person arrived, the fan of menus spread out along the table.

We've officially entered a slaughterhouse as the table is now covered with bacon.

Apparently, the promotional for this time of life at Denny's is "Baconalia."

Yeah. What?

Baconalia is apparently the land of bacon, which is what we've entered upon unassumingly walking through what was once the door to Denny's. Baconalia has seven entrees packed plump full of bacon. There's even a giant "We put bacon on WHAT?!" all incredulous-like in the middle of the menu.

Yes, Denny has done it. I'm not certain what he was thinking when he made this decision, but I do know that super-sized America and their heaping portions of gluttonous curiosity will order it...juuuusssttt to see what it tastes like.

A bacon maple sundae. I suppose it's comparable to World Market's all the rage chocolate covered bacon, of which I still have not tampered with. But bacon and ice cream huh? No one at my table ordered it, although bacon did become the long-standing joke of the entire evening.

There was even bacon salt next to the sugar caddie and the ketchup.

Oh America. Oh bacon. What will we ever do with you and your escalating heart disease epidemic. Oh, here, I've got something that'll make you feel better. Some ice cream. Freckled with bacon bits.

I used to pride myself on the fact that I lived in California because it hadn't turned red yet on that really embarrassing map that is color coded according to the obesity level in each state. I'm guessing the whole of America is red now. We're doomed.

I'm gonna go eat my feelings and order a bacon maple sundae.

Or not.