crazy.

The past couple weeks have been odd to say the least.

I've found myself enveloped in these fierce and sudden mental lapses. Literally, I will lose my mind for moments at a time, and then I will come back into consciousness. It's wildly strange. And I've never experienced anything like it. I've had absurd amounts of anxiety due to stress and my brain just floats away.

Floats away and it's terrifying because I feel like an invalid for those moments. I regress to damn near infancy. Can't function. I'm sure my face goes blank in these moments, or if nothing else, a giant smile attempts to disguise my lack of presence.

In these moments I lose all awareness. I completely lose my attention to detail. Clothes on wrong. Belt missing loops. Spilled drinks. Broken blenders. Boss demeaning always.

At times I feel I am going insane.

At times it seems my brain is hyper-active, fit to fight, wrestles with my heart a bit, and then runs away. Sometimes my heart fights back, emotions trying to defend themselves, and so my brain goes running, but not for long for thoughts are merciless.

An ever-present war rages on within my body. God please rain peace upon me. Anxiety is not my friend. Nor is stress. Send them running. Please shackle up my heart and keep it from falling into snares of discontent. Swaddle my brain in a strait-jacket for to let it run rampant is exhausting and altogether monotonous.

Please help me to remain. To remain in this moment. Present. And aware.