warbling.

I just got home from a very humbling encounter with my running shoes.

I haven't been running in ages. And I've been living the most raucous of lifestyles. Not taking care of myself in the slightest. And my attitude about life totally and completely reflects the unhealthy choices I am making.

It's the season of Lent right?

I'm a little late...consider this to be Molting Monday...my petty attempt at re-creating an Ash Wednesday so that I might be included in this grand celebration of relinquishment. I've celebrated Lent every year for awhile now...for some reason on Ash Wednesday I decided I wasn't interested.

But that was a terrible decision. I need this petty excuse to turn my life back upright. I mean Lent is not petty nor is it an excuse, those are both reflections of my attitude and where I am at in life right now. I've become a sassy, indifferent, abrasive little wench, calloused to the world. And I'm not ok with it.

I'm making a few resolutions if you'll allow me.

No alcohol.
No pot.
No soda.
Running 5 times a week.
Crying when I need to but not unnecessarily.
Forcing myself to be social in healthy atmospheres.
Cooking for myself.
Sleeping enough.

I'm going to babysit a seven month old little boy on Wednesday. And I'm so insanely excited. The maternal instincts inside of me are raging to get out again. And I can't wait to hold that little baby.

I ran four miles today and nearly collapsed.

I've nearly thrown shame and all its cohorts to the wind and the wolves, but here I am, clutching it, feeling it in my depths. I am thoroughly embarrassed of the person that I have become. Rubbing my nose in it isn't making it any better. I'm gonna go stand in the corner and think about what I've done.

The remorse is settling in.

Time for change.