life.

I've been thinking a lot about life the past couple days. You know...life. Not the board game with the tiny pink and blue nubs of plastic that you shove into those little cars and zoom around the board on, letting cards decide whether or not you're going to be successful. No no. Like the real deal.

Because this is the only one I have, I should probably be making the most of it right?

I've had two days of solitude in which I've watched several movies, walked some blocks, dined alone, scrambled some eggs, confessed my undying love, admired some art, read some poems, showered, changed my underwear, sent some text messages, wrote a couple letters, laid in bed, oh, and slept some.

Pretty much two wasted days. Ok, maybe not totally wasted...I did clean my room and wash some dishes.

I've gone from being so strung out on life to being overwhelmingly kicked back on life.

I am a woman of extremes.

You should know this about me by now right?

I'm reading a book called The Element right now. It's about discovering your passion. Finding "your element." It's a really good book. I'm half way in, and I highly recommend it.

So here I am thinking about passions. What are mine? How do I find my element? How do I not only discover it, but survive and make money doing it?

The million dollar questions of life right?

Oh life...you're such a little elusive ball of whimsy. Your purpose so pedestrian. Get it together Sabrina. You're supposed to change the world. You better figure it out quick. You're nearly 24 and almost past the cusp of importance.

Rrright. I'm through being anxious about my purpose in life. Through being angsty and over-stressed about what I'm supposed to be doing next. Perhaps my foreseeable future DOES, in fact, only involve nannying and bartending. I'd say that's a pretty solid combo, a pretty ummm, well-rounded means of gainful employment. Wouldn't you?

I know that my life isn't so awe-inspiring as it used to be. I know I'm not off in a lowly stall humbly scrubbing a ring out of a toilet with a pumice stone like I used to write about in the days of yore. Indentured servitude summed up in a hundred or so blogs over the past year. I know I've developed some callouses in the past six months or so. I know I've become a little unconventional in my approach to life these days. I'm a little less afraid and a little more brash these days. I don't suppose I really care what people think about me anymore. And that's a good thing right? Aren't we constantly bestowing that bit of wisdom upon people anyway? Aren't we all fighting to attain that mentality?

I've sort of lost the taste for judging right from wrong. I work in a bar, a night club, with gogo dancers and high-priced liquor, with customers just seeking to get drunk and hook up, to capture that last bit of fleeting love before the brute slap of sobriety wakes them up with the sun. God opened this door and I have walked through it.

I'm not certain why He opened it yet. I ask that question as I walk through it every night for work. But until I am called elsewhere, I will continue to ask it, and continue to walk through it, because I believe there is purpose in all that I do, in all that I am, in all of my breaths, and all of my words. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here I suppose.

So those are my thoughts on life in this moment. God is good, and I am still seeking.