Graduated.

So first of all, it turns out I actually did have swine flu. Yup. It's true. They mistakenly told me that I tested negative for Type A and Type B influenza. So much for staying isolated. Because I was mistakenly misinformed, I was spreading that ish all over the place, including all up in the bubble of my 79 yr old diabetic housemate and my 7 yr old small and vulnerable friend Rovenna. Yeah UCSB Student Health!! You sure did hit that one right on the head. 

I got a phone call about 6 days after the initial relief of being told that I didn't have swine. The call was urgent and it said that yes, indeed, my results had been sent to the state and I had tested positive for the H1N1 virus..but good news, I had a mild case of it and now I'm immune. Ain't that a relief. I'm thinking of investing in creating my own T-shirt line. They will say Swine Survivor in big bold letters with a vicious pig in the background. I'm thinking I could make bank on them considering they have changed the level of urgency to a level 6, making Swine Flu a pandemic. People all over the world are infected and don't even know it, considering you don't experience symptoms until 7 days after you have already contracted the virus.

So good luck avoiding it dear friends.

So all this to say, I had swine flu my last week of college, but yet I still managed to graduate. Sunday was the big day. I had my 7/10 of a second of fame on the UCSB commencement stage, got my pseudo-diploma, and flipped my tassel over the bill of my cap. I'm officially a college graduate and boy is it a sad day. I had no idea that I would be this devastated. 

My room is desolate. Yolanda, my roommate and best friend of the past four years, has gone. I find myself thinking about her at least once a day, if not more. I work at the coffee shop she once worked at and I find myself following her old habits, like cutting the middles out of the lettuce leaves for sandwiches. I can't sleep without her incessant snoring. It's only been three days and I feel lost without her. It may seem like I'm being dramatic but that girl truly taught me what it means to be an utterly selfless friend. She cleaned up after me constantly without one single complaint. She dealt with my incessant laundry basket explosions and my constant ranting about the dysfunctionality of my family. And she never ever failed to make me laugh. The random karate chop judo sessions to break up the monotony of studying for midterms. The karaoke sessions with intermittent booty-popping. The concerts. The gas. The Chris Crocker youtube sessions. I guess

 what they say is true. I hate to be cliche but you never really know what you have until it's gone.

I just spent the last hour looking at pictures of the past four years. I spent every day anticipating when it would be over and now that it is, I just want to go back to the awkward run in with my three new roommates at what used to be Francisco Torres and spend some more time looking for my bike amidst the masses in the FT bike racks...eat some more of those "make your own" waffles at the FT dining commons, relish in the car rides to YoungLife with Cecilia, Alea, Josh, and Casey listening to the sweet sounds of T-Pain's I'm in Love With a Stripper. 

It's over. And I can't go back. But oh how I would love to be able to pop into moments of the past and relive them.

So after sweating off about 3 and 1/2 pounds at my graduation ceremony in the glorious, yet devastatingly hot sun, with my moo moo of a grad gown draped around my shoulders, I graduated. Afterward my face hurt from smiling so much. But now I'm having a hard time being happy about it. I'm drowning in disbelief. I should be so ready and anxious for the adventure that lies ahead. The month I will be spending in India, followed by the year I will be spending in Oregon at YoungLife's Washington Family Ranch should be all I think about...but really all I can think about is how I wish I would have made more of my college experience. 

Yeah, I volunteered with YoungLife for four years, dedicating my first two years of college entirely to loving on high school kids and pursuing Jesus with all my heart. I nearly failed out of college because I refused to study. I was all about buying kids food and investing in their lives. I was coaching two sports and working at Home Depot. Not being active in my own campus community.

 That's my biggest regret. I sincerely wish that I would have gotten more involved by joining some sort of campus organization. But like The Weepies say, I can't go back now. "I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else, but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."  

But don't get me wrong. I wouldn't take back any of those choices I made. It's that one choice I didn't make that I regret. But enough about regret, I'm done with college!! The biggest adventure is yet to come. 

I love running marathons because they are truly symbolic of this life we live. It seems we run and run and it never ends. We beat our bodies with meager attempts at rest stops at the myriad of mile marks along the way but in this society we live in today, we're considered losers, lazy deadbeats, if 

we're not incessantly busy. No time for others. No time for ourselves. Just keep running. 

This blog is my own means of therapy. My rest stop if you will. I would like to think that people read it, but I'm sure they don't, and so I write for myself. My online diary. 

So here's a list of the ambitions I have for this summer. Documenting them online may be a surefire way of holding me accountable. Ha.

1. Learn to crochet so I can make myself beanies for the cold winters at the canyon.

2. Paint my writing desk so that I will be inspired to spend more time doing what I love. Writing.

3. Train consistently to qualify for Boston at the Women's Marathon in South Dakota.

4. Write letters. Everytime I think of someone I haven't seen in awhile, I want to write them a simple letter.

5. Make DVDs for all my YoungLife girls that have graduated.

6. Organize my iTunes.

7. Finish watching One Tree Hill on DVD.

8. learn what it truly means to seek the Lord with my whole heart, and nothing less. And that I would be incredibly humbled along the way. This past year has been rough with me and Jesus.

9. Spend time remembering the people that have sincerely impacted my life.

10. Smile everyday.