Day 3: Teenie Weenies

I woke up in my friend David's bed, sweating like a pregnant nun, sandwiched between two sleeping bodies. Another day off on the wrong foot. I maneuver my way out from between the two bodies to find David and Kyle in the kitchen working hard. Quite the hosts. They made us a feast of bacon, potatoes, and cheesy eggs. We take some self-timed group pics after breakfast and as we are about to leave, I decide Dannah and I need a picture of "the random crap corner." We grab the crystal ball and Dannah reads my future. David makes a comment about how Dannah could "be the perfect gypsy with those little carnie hands." We leave David and Kyle's humble abode and embark on our journey to Seattle. 

Since we stayed up until about 3:30 in the morning last night my passengers are pooped and they both fall asleep. I decide to endanger my life as well as theirs by taking a video of them...sleeping. Yes, I thought it was a good idea at the time but after watching it, I realized it was a very stupid idea. The video wasn't funny like I anticipated it would be. Big surprise, it's raining in Oregon. It's lunch time and we pull off to go to Taco Bell (Will had never been there in his entire life. He later nicknames it Taco Hell). We all get crunch wrap supremes and they taste bomb but later make us hate life as they sit in our stomachs twiddling their thumbs thinking of ways to torture us. Sick.

About twenty minutes from our destination, I decide I can't wait any longer. I must stop

at a bathroom or my bladder will explode like an over-filled water balloon. I'm already leaking. We stop at a janky gas station.

                             There are two bathrooms. Dannah and I go first and Will waits outside. As I come out Will makes a comment about how Dannah was busting up laughing while she was in the bathroom. When Dannah comes out she pulls me into her bathroom and there on the wall staring us in the face is a vending machine selling penis extenders in six different types with a suggestion to try all six in rotation. There are studded condoms and another one for Pandora's box of erotic toys. They are all only .75 cents each and Dannah 

and I decide we couldn't possibly pass up this opportunity. We purchase two items from Pandora's box. Dannah gets an "invisible condom" which is just a regular condom pretending to be invisible. I get pretty much the most amazing present ever. On the front there is a picture of a cherub looking cartoon and it says "Teenie Weenies." I turn it over to find "Novelty Midget Teenie Weenie Tickler" written on the back, along with "for the men who don't have much." I can't even describe to you what lay inside so I will just enclose a picture. We laughed for a solid ten minutes and then continued on our journey to Seattle.

We park on my friend Ali's street in Seattle and I had gotten a text from her earlier that said that she lived in the back half of the house and to just come on back. I haven't yet told Will and Dannah about the afore-mentioned text and so I just grab my things and start walking along the side of the house. Will and Dannah get really confused and proceed to ask me "what the hell I'm doing and if we are breaking into the house." By this time were are standing on the back porch and I am looking for the back house, as opposed to the "back half of the house." We laugh hysterically for a few minutes trying to figure out where in the heck we are supposed to go. By this time Ali has heard us laughing and opens the back door of the house. Everything is cleared up and we drop our stuff off inside.

My old friend Ryan Warner arrives (the self-proclaimed professional athlete who trains incessantly for iron man competitions). We all pile into Ali's Forerunner and head out to do the touristy Seattle stuff. We hit up the troll that you guys have all seen in 10 things I hate about you. Epic. I pick his nose and then we move on. We head to downtown Seattle where we take some sweet pics with the needle. Will asks "what the needle is even for? Is it purely for decoration." Dannah quickly comes back with "oh no, it sews things." Then we go to this place called Chocoladi. Sooo amazing. They have six different types of coco each day. Ryan and Ali got the Chocolate Turtle, a heavenly blend of caramel, chocolate, and hazelnut. Will and Dannah got the Raspberry Truffle and I got the Peppermint Patty. Soo yummy. We head over to the Quality Foods Center, QFC if you will. Ali tells us it's weird food and if we don't want to buy dinner there we don't have to. We do. We buy stuff to make pasta for a pre-marathon carb load. Yes, I am running a marathon the following morning. Instead of checking out with an associate, Ryan decides to go to self check-out. Bad idea. It flips out on us repeatedly for removing objects before it is ready for us to remove them. I think we ended up stealing some noodles due to a glitch in the system. Anyway, as we are leaving the store with our purchases this angry homeless man gives us a grimace from behind the water machine outside the building. I nearly screamed. It was pretty terrifying. I thought he was going to shank me and steal my pre-made garlic bread and hearts of romaine lettuce. But alas, he did not and we made it back to Ali's house safely. Ryan made dinner and we grubbed. Everyone was flabbergasted at how much pasta I put away. What can I say, Girl can eat, especially when I'm running a marathon in the morning. Oh yeah, almost forgot, Will really likes math so he decided to celebrate Pi day twice. He bought another pie to celebrate with our Seattle friends. I don't think anyone ended up eating the pie. Sad day. We finally go to bed about midnight.