Party in the USA.

I have to preface this blog with a simple statement:

I love Wal-Mart.

I know there's a lot of controversy that arises when Wal-Mart becomes the topic of conversation. There are people that refuse to shop there due to the way their employees are treated, people who refuse to shop there due to the quality of the merchandise, people who refuse to shop there simply because their friends refuse to shop there.

But I grew up on Wal-Mart.

I'm not going to pretend like I know the inherent evils that live inside the factories where Wal-Mart products are made and distributed, because I don't. I don't have any friends that work at Wal-Mart. I don't have any friends that work in underground sweatshops where Wal-Mart products are made. I know this blog is getting somewhat desensitized but I think I have to do that in order to defend my simple utter

love for Wal-Mart.

I love the Super Wal-Mart's especially. Not only can you grocery shop, clothes shop, and purely decorative shop, you can do it all at all hours of the night. 24 hour Super Wal-Marts are genius.

All that to say, I had a delightful experience at the super Wal-Mart in Redmond a couple days ago.

Not only did I get a weeks worth of meals for under $6.00, I had the time of my life capitalizing on the fantastically unfortunate passion for fashion of my fellow Wal-Mart consumers.

I apologize.

But I know you're interested in what I saw...so let me try my best to scribble a picture for you...

Krista had wandered down one of the many hygiene aisles looking for deodorant. So I wandered down the bathroom accessory aisle feeling towels. Weird, but somewhat comforting. As I was feeling a towel, I turned to my left and what did I see...

A middle aged man, slowly approaching 50, with bleach blonde corn rows that all mingled together in a pony tail at the back of his head. I almost lost it. Right there, petting towels, I almost laughed out loud.

But I held my composure and decided I had to get a picture.

I apologize again.

So I crept up behind him with the camera app open on my phone. Come to find out, not only does he have bleach blonde corn rows tied back in a pony, he's wearing a denim jacket with a giant bald eagle on the back with a giant pitifully patriotic USA emblazoned underneath the talons.

Welcome to  Wal-Mart.

Welcome to America.

I failed miserably to get a good picture the first time around so I prayed for another opportunity as Krista and I got in line to make our purchases. Just as we were grabbing our bags from the lazy susan style bagging device, the one thing I legitimately hate about Wal-Mart, I saw Captain America just a couple aisles down, reaching into his basket for one last evasive trinket to conclude his purchases.

That was my chance. I snapped a quick pic with my phone, in the hopes of making the peopleofwalmart  website. No sooner had the flash and the click taken place, when a friendly Wal-Mart associate kindly reminded me, "Ma'am, you're not allowed to take pictures in the store."

Busted.

Not sure what she thought I was taking a picture of but I quickly apologized and skirted my way out the door. Krista and I had a gut jiggling guffaw as we walked out the door peeking at the pictures I had successfully snapped.

I really do love Wal-Mart.

I apologize.

Remind me next time to tell you the story of Krista and the publicly private man at Barnes & Noble.