Bikes in the Street.

I'm getting paid to play with angels.

Three fair-skinned children from Chicago.

Madeleine (7), Peter (4), and Andrew (1).

Madeleine reminds me of Dakota Fanning. Peter has the best little dimples. And Andrew giggles uncontrollably when I wrestle him on the bed.

The family is here in Santa Barbara for a wedding. Peter is the ring bearer. Madeleine is the flower girl. And Andrew is attached to my hip.

I love my line of work.

I bought Anthony an awesome bike as an early Christmas present. Yes, it's used and rather rusty, but it has character.

I also bought one for myself.

I got them for super cheap from a kid out at UCSB and I was all excited to get them home...and then they fell off my car. While I was driving. In the middle of an intersection.

I knew that when I strapped them on it would be an impending disaster, and yet I risked it. I took the back roads (and when I say back road, I suppose I really mean main thoroughfare considering State Street literally cuts the town in half), but I avoided the highway so as not to endanger anyone's life. I'd rather just injure them in a 40mph hour crash vs. end their life tragically in a 75mph hour crash.

So I'm putzing along State St. and then I have to stop rather abruptly because of a foolish driver in front of me, and there they go. Right off the back. At a stoplight. Luckily I was hasty enough to get the bikes out of the road and get back in my car before the light turned green. It was like a warped game of Chinese fire drill played with inanimate objects. I then spent a humiliating 7 1/2 minutes untangling the bikes from the rack and then putting them all back on my car.

I made it home without anymore traumatic events after that. That's enough bruises on my ego for one day.

Oh, I never announced that Anthony COMPLETED THE MASTER CLEANSE!!

And then he gorged himself on what was probably about 10,000 calories in one sitting. Definitely defeated the entire purpose. He claims to have lost a "legit" 8 lbs though so that's cool. I'm going to attempt the cleanse again, in January...because December is test month for me and I can't be taking no GRE, CSET, or CBEST with no sustenance. Bad news bears.

In other news, I love my delivery job, except for when I can't find the house and have to wander around aimlessly in the dark with only my cell phone to light the path. I spent no less than half an hour the other night searching for one house. I called to ask for better directions. No answer. No call back. I couldn't find it so I ended up taking the old lady's food home and storing it in my refrigerator until I could give it a go the next day. I spent the evening in a pool of anxiety worrying about this poor woman and how she wasn't going to be able to eat that night because I'm a failure as a delivery driver. When I finally found the house and dropped the food off the next day, I called the old lady to tell her I had successfully made the delivery and she proceeded to yell at me, asking "Why are you guys delivering food to me?!" I apologized profusely with the feeble explanation of "I'm just the delivery girl, and I do what I'm told."

I'm just the delivery girl.

I love saying that. It's so silly.

My softball team is in first place. I've been doing an incredible job defensively but as far as my bat is concerned, I think it's broken.

Anthony and I are hosting my family for Thanksgiving at my tiny apartment. Should be quite the adventure.

I'm really into zombie shows now thanks to my boyfriend. The Walking Dead is the new weekly DVR.

My piano progress is pitiful.

I started reading The Hunger Games series to Anthony before bed.

I finally beat the first boss on Donkey Kong on the wii. It only took about 72 lives.

My friend Emily did a photo shoot for Adeline the other day and she wore her birthday suit. No, not Emily, Adeline. And no, not that birthday suit, a really cute, pink, frilly one with a fluffy party hat and patent leather shoes. It was the epitome of precious. She turns 1 tomorrow!

I picked up another babysitting job and I start on Monday. Children are named Zola and Enzo. Stoked.

I finally went to my old house to pick up the mail that hasn't been forwarded. There were about 13 magazines, 7 bills, 11 pieces of junk mail, a couple credit card bills, and a check on the refrigerator for my portion of the television.

Life is good. The new Starbucks Christmas CD is decent. And the book I'm gobbling up currently is called The Elegance of the Hedgehog. Buy it. Read it. Increase your vocabulary.

Off to try and beat my high score on text twist while the tiny child slumbers. Andrew, I'm talking about Andrew. He's sleeping and the other two are off getting ready for the wedding.

And my high score is somewhere around 150,000. To use my brother's favorite word, "CHEA!"(I'm not kidding. He had it tattooed on his fingernail).

Ok byyyyee.

Barfing Bums and Crying at Movies.

I just got my dream job.

I'm officially a delivery driver for a healthy foods company called Delish and Nutrish. I'm getting paid approximately $50 an hour to drive around dropping food on doorsteps. Epic.

I start tomorrow and I'll be making a new playlist tonight for the adventure.

I just started volunteering in a second grade classroom at a public elementary school here in Santa Barbara. I'm officially known as a "Pre-Professional." The class is primarily Hispanic. There's one little Asian boy and one little white girl, excuse me, Caucasian. For the most part, English is their second language so the class is rough. The highlight of my day was when a young girl named Fatima wrote a letter to me talking about how she wanted to share her teddy bear with me. The lowlight was proctoring an assessment for a little boy who could barely read. He yelled at me and almost started crying as we sat on the bench outside the classroom.

Thursday I start volunteering in an art class at a private school in Montecito. Rich white kids. Should be quite the contrast.

Yesterday I took Adeline to the park. She turns one on the 20th. She's walking. When I met her she could barely roll over. It's weird. And awesome. What's also awesome is over-hearing a vagrant vomiting whilst swinging Adeline at the park. Or not so awesome.

Anthony's nearly through Day 8 of the cleanse.

I ate popcorn at the movie theater in front of him yesterday. He insisted I get it because he likes the smell.

Side note: The movie 50/50 pinched my ducts a bit. It's good.

The cartoon Allen Gregory is funny.

And I have a renewed love for the Heytell app.

Failing.

I caved. I'm weak. The stomach gurgles got the best of me. I lasted a pathetic total of about 36 hours without food and then I succumbed to the cravings.

I ate carrots and broccoli. And then Chipotle. And then Ben & Jerry's Banana Split ice cream.

And I didn't regret it for a second.

Anthony is just finishing up Day 3. I'm so proud of him. He's really doin' it. Really goin' for it I tell ya.

This morning I told a boy over gchat (completely platonically duh) that my love language was gift giving and somewhere in the convo I threw in a fo realz. He then told me his love language is ending words with a z. I think he should marry my friend Sonia and I think you should all read her blog. http://sewnyuh.blogspot.com/

Lolz.

We started a puzzle on the dining room table again, based on the fact that we wouldn't be needing it due to the cleansing and lack of meals. Now I have to eat my veggie burgers on the living room rug...where I spilled remnants of Anthony's spicy lemonade breakfast this morning.

I'm teaching myself how to play the piano. Well I have an instructional book of course. And a boyfriend who gives me tips occasionally. I'm struggling. But I'm determined. I'm not very smart when it comes to reading music. But I'll get it. Right?

I spent some hours studying for the GRE this morning. This tenth grade math is kicking my ass. I can't stand probability. And ratios are the devil. And I'm doomed for the CSET. I have to relearn the entire world's history from the beginning of time to the present before December 17th. Oh joy.

The new Florence & the Machine cd is out but I can't buy it because I spent all my money on standardized tests and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Applying for grad school is beginning to make me sick, or maybe it's just my addiction to sugar taking it's toll.

The Family Guy episode I'm concurrently watching is making me uncomfortable. It's about domestic violence and it's dramatically insensitive. I might have to write a letter.

Enough ranting. Back to the puzzle. Toodlez.

An Empty Stomach Apology.

First of all, I'd like to offer up a solemn and sincere apology for the few expletives that slipped my fingers in the last blog. I hope you'll accept and attempt to understand my severe emotional condition...severe at that time. I look back and blush with embarrassment at my ability to be so silly. And then we moved on.

I swore I'd never do it again. But here we are in Day 1 of the dastardly Master Cleanse.

Oh spicy lemonade, how I loathe thee.

Anthony and I looked at each other last night during intermission of the zombie musical we were attending and shamefully admitted that we both weigh more than we've ever weighed in our lives. I'm not sure what it was about the dancing dead people spurting blood into the audience that made us admit such a folly but the confession only served to amplify our commitment to the master cleanse.

A ten day stint without food. What better way to attempt a dramatic change in diet than to completely wipe out food altogether.

Instead of food we will substitute salt water, laxative teas, and spicy lemonade. Oh joy.

Anthony has also admitted a bout of nausea due to a certain 30 dollar purchase involving organic maple syrup. His text and I quote, "I feel sick. Just bought 30 dollar syrup and it's not even for pancakes." Of course there would be an organic food store in Santa Barbara that is perfectly comfortable charging such an abominable amount for syrup. Santa Barbara is ruthless. And yet I submit myself to such financial bludgeoning daily. Oh joy.

In other news Halloween is over.. (insert silly costume photo here)

and the Christmas caroling has begun via my itunes library. Oh sweet heavenly joy. No sarcasm intended with this one.

I'm off to clean my bathroom. The world map shower curtain is awesome, but no amount of awesomeness excuses the what can only be described as scum that is currently living in the bottom of the tub. Oh joy.