Graduated.

So first of all, it turns out I actually did have swine flu. Yup. It's true. They mistakenly told me that I tested negative for Type A and Type B influenza. So much for staying isolated. Because I was mistakenly misinformed, I was spreading that ish all over the place, including all up in the bubble of my 79 yr old diabetic housemate and my 7 yr old small and vulnerable friend Rovenna. Yeah UCSB Student Health!! You sure did hit that one right on the head. 

I got a phone call about 6 days after the initial relief of being told that I didn't have swine. The call was urgent and it said that yes, indeed, my results had been sent to the state and I had tested positive for the H1N1 virus..but good news, I had a mild case of it and now I'm immune. Ain't that a relief. I'm thinking of investing in creating my own T-shirt line. They will say Swine Survivor in big bold letters with a vicious pig in the background. I'm thinking I could make bank on them considering they have changed the level of urgency to a level 6, making Swine Flu a pandemic. People all over the world are infected and don't even know it, considering you don't experience symptoms until 7 days after you have already contracted the virus.

So good luck avoiding it dear friends.

So all this to say, I had swine flu my last week of college, but yet I still managed to graduate. Sunday was the big day. I had my 7/10 of a second of fame on the UCSB commencement stage, got my pseudo-diploma, and flipped my tassel over the bill of my cap. I'm officially a college graduate and boy is it a sad day. I had no idea that I would be this devastated. 

My room is desolate. Yolanda, my roommate and best friend of the past four years, has gone. I find myself thinking about her at least once a day, if not more. I work at the coffee shop she once worked at and I find myself following her old habits, like cutting the middles out of the lettuce leaves for sandwiches. I can't sleep without her incessant snoring. It's only been three days and I feel lost without her. It may seem like I'm being dramatic but that girl truly taught me what it means to be an utterly selfless friend. She cleaned up after me constantly without one single complaint. She dealt with my incessant laundry basket explosions and my constant ranting about the dysfunctionality of my family. And she never ever failed to make me laugh. The random karate chop judo sessions to break up the monotony of studying for midterms. The karaoke sessions with intermittent booty-popping. The concerts. The gas. The Chris Crocker youtube sessions. I guess

 what they say is true. I hate to be cliche but you never really know what you have until it's gone.

I just spent the last hour looking at pictures of the past four years. I spent every day anticipating when it would be over and now that it is, I just want to go back to the awkward run in with my three new roommates at what used to be Francisco Torres and spend some more time looking for my bike amidst the masses in the FT bike racks...eat some more of those "make your own" waffles at the FT dining commons, relish in the car rides to YoungLife with Cecilia, Alea, Josh, and Casey listening to the sweet sounds of T-Pain's I'm in Love With a Stripper. 

It's over. And I can't go back. But oh how I would love to be able to pop into moments of the past and relive them.

So after sweating off about 3 and 1/2 pounds at my graduation ceremony in the glorious, yet devastatingly hot sun, with my moo moo of a grad gown draped around my shoulders, I graduated. Afterward my face hurt from smiling so much. But now I'm having a hard time being happy about it. I'm drowning in disbelief. I should be so ready and anxious for the adventure that lies ahead. The month I will be spending in India, followed by the year I will be spending in Oregon at YoungLife's Washington Family Ranch should be all I think about...but really all I can think about is how I wish I would have made more of my college experience. 

Yeah, I volunteered with YoungLife for four years, dedicating my first two years of college entirely to loving on high school kids and pursuing Jesus with all my heart. I nearly failed out of college because I refused to study. I was all about buying kids food and investing in their lives. I was coaching two sports and working at Home Depot. Not being active in my own campus community.

 That's my biggest regret. I sincerely wish that I would have gotten more involved by joining some sort of campus organization. But like The Weepies say, I can't go back now. "I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else, but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."  

But don't get me wrong. I wouldn't take back any of those choices I made. It's that one choice I didn't make that I regret. But enough about regret, I'm done with college!! The biggest adventure is yet to come. 

I love running marathons because they are truly symbolic of this life we live. It seems we run and run and it never ends. We beat our bodies with meager attempts at rest stops at the myriad of mile marks along the way but in this society we live in today, we're considered losers, lazy deadbeats, if 

we're not incessantly busy. No time for others. No time for ourselves. Just keep running. 

This blog is my own means of therapy. My rest stop if you will. I would like to think that people read it, but I'm sure they don't, and so I write for myself. My online diary. 

So here's a list of the ambitions I have for this summer. Documenting them online may be a surefire way of holding me accountable. Ha.

1. Learn to crochet so I can make myself beanies for the cold winters at the canyon.

2. Paint my writing desk so that I will be inspired to spend more time doing what I love. Writing.

3. Train consistently to qualify for Boston at the Women's Marathon in South Dakota.

4. Write letters. Everytime I think of someone I haven't seen in awhile, I want to write them a simple letter.

5. Make DVDs for all my YoungLife girls that have graduated.

6. Organize my iTunes.

7. Finish watching One Tree Hill on DVD.

8. learn what it truly means to seek the Lord with my whole heart, and nothing less. And that I would be incredibly humbled along the way. This past year has been rough with me and Jesus.

9. Spend time remembering the people that have sincerely impacted my life.

10. Smile everyday.

Swine Scare

I haven't blogged in awhile so I figured it was due time. I never finished writing about my Nashville adventures but whatevs..you guys don't care about that anyway right? 

So there's nothing more adventurous than thinking you might have swine flu. It started yesterday about mid day...the achiness, the tight chest, the slow suffocation. I was on my drive to Crane Country Day School where I pick up my girls at 3pm everyday. I realized my shoulders were really tight and my heart was hurting. I'm a pretty healthy individual so I would like to assume that I wasn't having a heart attack. But there was something seriously wrong. I couldn't catch my breath. Within the next couple hours, I spiraled down into this chasm of pain and suffering. My body felt so incredibly weak. I couldn't breathe and then I developed a disgusting cough. 

My friend Josh brought me some Theraflu. It was putrid but it seemed to work. Momentarily.

I knocked out at about 8:30 last night but woke up sweating. Peeled off some layers and then woke up 2 hours later shivering in my bones. I was so cold and all I could think about were the tiny blanketless children in third world countries that were far colder than me...I fell asleep finally, feeling guilty about my undeserving accumulation of blankets and other warm articles of clothing. 

I woke up again at about 6am...feeling absolutely miserable. Everytime I tried to take a deep breath I broke into coughing hysterics. My brain was throbbing out of my skull and my face was sweaty and swollen. Something seriously was not right. I laid in bed aching and on the verge of tears debating on whether or not I should go to Student Health, knowing full well they would probably just prescribe me some vicodin and send me on my merry way.

Laid in bed for a couple more hours and emailed a professor because I definitely had an exercise physiology lab practical this morning...and oh yeah, this is my last freaking week of college and the worst possible time to get sick ever in the history of sickness. Ok I exaggerate but still. Come on.

So I got out of the practical, called into work, and then bailed out on my 4 1/2 hours of massage school that I'm supposed to be going to tonight..

Then I made the decish. I asked my girl Rachel if she could take me by student health to determine whether or not I had swine flu. I felt like death and there was no other option.

I get to the appointment desk and the lady tells me its a two hour wait for urgent care. So much for the "urgent." What if I really did have swine flu and all of those two hours I was breathing on people and touching things and infecting the world. So I waited to talk to the advice nurse to see if I could just go home for the day and be ok to come back to urgent care the next morning when maybe just maybe the wait wouldn't be so horrendous. 

She told me to stay. She took my temperature and I certainly had a fever of 101.7 and she suggested I wait the two hours instead of going home and feeling miserable for the night. Then she threw out the "what if something happens to you in the middle of the night and we aren't here to help you?" line. So I stayed.

Two hours later I'm still lying in the waiting room. Dying. I've looked through all the disgusting disease ridden magazines and probably contracted more parasites in the dr's office than I ever had before I came in. Finally the sweet little old woman comes in, swabs my nose, hands me a can of Gatorade (who knew Gatorade ever came in a can) and a hot blanket and then leaves again.

Thirty minutes later she comes in, tells me I don't have swine flu, that I should take Tylenol to break my fever and then sends me on my way. 

Well gee golly gosh that sure was worth three hours of life. Take Tylenol. Awesome.

But hey, I don't have swine flu!! HOOOORAAAYYYYY!!!!!