brainz and burgerz.

I had an emotional breakdown in an In N Out drive thru the other night. Sometimes alcohol does that to me. I'd spent the evening drinking tequila out of a flask in an outdoor amphitheater, all the while dancing to the synthesized sounds of Passion Pit. Had I not been slightly drunk, the bazooka blasts of neon light might have been a bit overwhelming. Instead, I was mesmerized. Syncing lights to the beats of music will never cease to amaze me. Talking about beats and lights reminds me of a particular house in Eugene, Oregon that syncs their Christmas lights to a local radio station. The station plays a series of carols on loop just for them. A family fun attraction that boggles my head and leaves me speechless in my festive revelry. Computer programmers are magicians in nerd's clothing. Reminds me of a friend who has a dog that is part wolf. The other day she put a sheep hat on her. A wolf in sheep's clothing. It's the simple things in life people. Small joys to appreciate.

Brains are so weird. The connections we make are just so random. I just went from crying in line for a hamburger, to swaying drunkenly at a concert, to Christmas lights in the front yard, to dogs in costume all in a paragraph. As a part of "clearing my credential" I have to do this silly and rather menial induction program. Most people don't take it seriously. I'm trying to. My mentor is really making the experience for me. Anyway, as part of this program we get free books. And you know me, I'm all about the free books. Our latest text is called Teaching with the Brain in Mind. It's funny that they even give us the books, because three minutes after they've handed them out, they give us an hour long crash course on the main points of the book, therefore dissolving any and all desire we might have had to make the time to read the book in the first place. But anyway, in the crash course, the instructor expounded upon three main points:

• Brains change throughout our lifetime
• Our environment shapes our brain
• Change the environment, change the brain

Although they're all linked and they all seem pretty obvious, I guess I'd never really put much thought into my brain before. That sentence doesn't even make sense. Put much thought into my brain. That's all there is in there! So many thoughts. All tied to my environment. We also learned about bottom-up verse top-down processing in the brain. When we process under stress, we're typically in a bottom-up reflexive to cognitive direction of action. Therefore, we act without thinking. Normal processing is in a top-down direction...cognitive to reflexive...thinking before acting. All this makes total sense but seeing the pictures of the brain with the various parts labeled and explained really hit the "ah-ha" button in my brain. 

The two main points that hit home for me in my personal and professional life were these: 

• The 3 things children from age 0 - 3 need
• unconditional love from a consistent primary caregiver
• 10-20 hours of harmonious, reciprocal interactions
• safe, predictable, stable environments
• Exercise is proven to dramatically improve memory and the capacity for learning

The instructor made a joke in telling a story about someone getting angry with him and proceeding to yell and berate him for several minutes, all the while he was thinking "This isn't personal. I wonder what was going on in your life from 0 to 3." It shouldn't be a laughing matter but I chuckled. All the while, internally I'm thinking about what my environment must have been like from 0 - 3. Fairly certain I didn't have any of those 3 necessities listed above. In hearing those facts, I immediately began thinking about my behaviors now...which leads me to the emotional breakdown in the drive thru. Although you can change the environment and therefore change the brain, the imperativeness of the environment of those first 3 years cannot be absolved. And every once in awhile, most often when too much alcohol is involved, the voids present during those first 3 years coalesce into an embarrassing moment where the ugly face cry rears its ugly head. Then the moment passes and I laugh and make fun in hindsight, when really that force needs to be reckoned with. And so I go running.

Exercise is proven to dramatically improve memory and the capacity for learning. This point is a billboard for my job security. I'm a PE teacher. And although we fall egregiously short of meeting EdCode in the number of minutes our students spend in PE, I do still have a job, and will bring this point up if ever my job seems to be threatened. But then of course I'll be acting out of stress, in a bottom-up reflexive to cognitive thought processing pattern, and probably end up crying in line for a hamburger.

Writing is fun. I hope you enjoy my silly ponderings. 

The end. 

just being miley.

I started doing puzzles again. Yeah, boring old lady jigsaw puzzles. For whatever reason I really enjoy them. But only in certain pockets of life. I go through waves so to speak. The past week I've been gnawing away at one called "Country Quilters." Good Lord, I'm 26 going on 62. I bought a pool table this week though. So I'm still young and hip right? That's not a replacement hip either. Yet.

I have a marathon in 2 weeks. My hamstrings are cringing in anticipation. I'm not even kidding. I can barely touch my toes. They've curled up into little balls, hiding away from the nutrageous beating I'm about to subject them too. I just made a candy bar into an adjective. Whatever happened to those anyway? Loved that peanut butter peanutty goodness.

I went to a pumpkin patch yesterday. I've never been much into carving pumpkins but there's a corn maze there too. And I love a good bout of "feeling like a trapped rat" every once in awhile. Please, do enlighten me, why do we subject ourselves to such frustration and anxiety so willingly? Five seconds past the main entrance and I immediately start feeling claustrophobic. Myriads of teens and tweens running me over flashing their iPhone lights in my face, pausing to take pictures. #cornmaze #soscaredrightnow #getthefuckoutofmywaybeforeirunyouoverinmyclaustrophobicrage

Meanwhile the friend I brought along is having a dance party behind me flashing his four little finger lights. That sounded mildly inappropriate but these are what I'm talking about:

Their proper name is Laser Finger Beams. Pardon me. 

All the while, the dead ends are chipping away at my composure. Soon enough we realize that the maze is the exact same as last year and we're able to vaguely remember the general directions in which we should be heading. We only came to this realization after we hit the "long side hallway" (McKenna gave it a name when we happened upon it). 

We make it to the finish in exasperation and decide to peruse the pumpkins while we wait for the other two to make it out. I end up with a happy little family of three (a dad and his two adopted children)

and then we're back at the exit. Waiting. We look at each other and ask the question "How long is the socially appropriate amount of time you should wait at the end of a corn maze for the rest of your party to finish?" We decide 20 minutes is acceptable. I text Caitlin and tell her we made it out and we're waiting but we're starving. Hinting that we won't be waiting very long. I send another text telling her she'll know she's on the right path when she hits the "long side hallway." 

Just as we're about to leave we spot Caitlin at the entrance to the maze. Her and her boo have wandered around for 40 minutes and have ended up literally where they started. We overhear Caitlin begging the man at the entrance for a hint. You mean my long side hallway hint wasn't enough for you?! They must not have made it that far. After 30 seconds of really confusing directions from the 3 of us that made it out successfully, Caitlin and Miles decide to head back in for Round 2.

Meanwhile, Christian, McKenna and I head over to Rudy's for dinner. After about 45 minutes of being creeped out by the wooden doll makeup on the lesbian couple sitting in front of us, we head out. As I'm driving Christian home I get a text from Caitlin, "We literally just got out." We went in at 6:40. They didn't get out until 8:15. I think I would have curled up into a ball in one of those dead ends if it took me that long to get out. Too bad you can't just shoot up a flare and get heli-vaced out of there. They persevered though. Corn Maze - 0 Miles & Caitlin - 1. Congrats friends. That one goes in the scrapbooks for when you're 62 and need a break from the jigsaw puzzle.

In other news, I think I might be Miley Cyrus for Halloween. What's wrong with me? Why am I mildly obsessed with this naked writhing heathen. She licks hammers and lewdly rides wrecking balls. Why hasn't her tongue dried up and fallen off yet? For God's sake I can see your vagina through that weird Dodgers leotard you have on. Miley stop, you're embarrassing yourself. But you're like a damn train wreck car accident catastrophe that I can't stop watching!! So I think I'll just pretend to be you for a night and maybe then you'll be out of my system. 

A first grader in my ASES class was wearing a Hannah Montana shirt the other day. A 30 second montage of Miley's transgression into mainstream pornography flashed through my mind as I looked at this innocent little 6 year old with her childhood hero on her chest. You have no idea little one. Your ignorance is truly bliss.

Well I suppose I should head off in search of one of those foam fingers and start making my carpetty mouse-looking leotard. Another conundrum, how do I get all my hair into those two tiny balls on top of my head? And I need a more convincing grill than a piece of tin foil. Suggestions?

bangerz and cheese curdz.

I just bought Miley Cyrus' latest album. Yeah, I was embarrassed at first, but ya know, sometimes you have to do some embarrassing things. I really have no defense. I was drawn to the title, Bangerz, and the cameos with Nelly and Ludacris. Shame on me.

At school the other day 20 kindergartners and first graders were running around flashing finger staches. I wonder how their parents felt about those during the evening bath routine. Sorry I'm not sorry.

I used to be the 3/4 ASES (After School Education and Safety) teacher. Now, I've been displaced, and I get to frolic with the K/1 kiddos. Life has never been more amusing. Their tiny voices and opinions about the world have got me stumbling. I'm head over heels for these kids.

The other day one comes up to me and says, "Ms. Carley (they struggle with the Mc), I'm going to be a bampire for Halloween." Bampire. Classic.

Another insists that I play Chutes and Ladders with him everyday. When I try and spread my love to the others, he says, "Oh, c'mon!" in his tiny lispy voice. "C'mon Ms. McCarley, oh c'mon!" My heart melts.

I have another named Estevan. He insists that we call him Steven. He's 5 and already renouncing his ethnic roots. What is this world we live in?

Singing Down by the Bay with them is life-altering. "Have you ever seen a ______________ with a ______________?" Just imagine how they fill in those blanks. There is lots of kissing involved. They're obsessed with kissing right now. Kissing and farting. Ignoring it seems to be the only answer. If I acknowledge either, they lose it in a fit of hysterics. Imagine me, sitting in the rocker at the front of the class, reading a story, they're ripping farts, and me attempting to ignore and move on. It's pretty amusing. I've tried doing the "those sounds are for the bathroom, do you have to go to the bathroom?" thing. They undoubtedly will respond with an emphatic "No" as everyone around is rolling on the floor. So I choose to ignore. Be amused. I certainly am.

I'm listening to Miley as I'm writing here, and the expletives she's dropping are still shocking. Hannah Montana. What happened to you? The shock value definitely sucked me in. I'm amused by her. She's nuts. Entertaining to say the least.

I've come to terms with the fact that I spend all my money on music and food. I looked at how much I owe in school loans the other day and had a minor heart attack. Next thing you know we will have Filing For Bankruptcy Friday to go along with Selfie Sunday and Throwback Thursday. #alliwantedwasaneducation

I spent the weekend drinking cheap alcohol and learning elementary Spanish. Not simultaneously. Rosetta wouldn't like that. I did some art. Read a book. Washed my car. Played some Mario Kart and did laundry. Stopped by the seafood festival. Apparently eating sea urchins is the new thing. All along the docks people slurping that orange goopy stuff out of the middle of a ball of purple needles. Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure they have all those spikes for a reason. Probably because those insides are POISON! You won't catch me eating no sea urchin. Bleh. Although I do eat Taco Bell so call me hypocrite.

My dreams are haunted by all the blood and guts I've been watching on TV these days. Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, why must you do me so dirty?

I'm running a marathon in less than a month. The painful three mile run I went on this morning would speak otherwise. Gotta cut back on all that cheap alcohol. Spend less time stuck inside the Netflix and get those miles in. I get to rendezvous with my besties so soon. Wisconsin ain't gonna know what hit it. Connie, Bonnie, and Steve frolicking through America's dairyland. Can't wait to try some of them cheese curdz.